Have you ever had an off day?
It’s a rhetorical question because I’m pretty sure all of us have experienced those days.
I tried to start this next sentence with “we” as in we all go through life pretending each day that we’re fine, but maybe that’s just the few of us who don’t quite understand how life works.
So instead I’ll say that I go through life with skeletons in my drawers, secrets in my palms, and chains at my feet.
Everyday a part different from before, and a part that threatens to repeat itself.
My mind is a curious one. Always wanting to know what’s next and what’s new. It has a tendency to always ask and seek the answers to whatever it happens to be looking for. No matter how bad the answer is.
The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
Which in return creates these days, in the timeline of life, that are scheduled as off days. The days where you cant keep pretending that you’re okay or that you’ve somehow gotten lost. On these days, my mind is filled with blurred thoughts and incoherent feelings. It’s like my body is physically there but my mind is mentally away.
My mind takes a vacation from life, and leaves a completely vulnerable human being.
Naked and afraid, with a list full of fears that is never ending.
With skin so easily scarred and mind so easily touched.
I wake up on these days feeling unaware and alienated from the world. Minutes and hours pass by as I perform the daily tasks of my life. But it’s like I’m watching a movie about myself. I’m not there, that’s not me doing those things. When my mom asks me a question, my answer’s are one worded and if she’s lucky maybe a shrug.
Because every little secret that I tried to put away, is screaming for my attention. Waiting to be helped and nurtured by me. How do people do it though? How do you talk about your problems if you can’t? Sometimes I’m dying to tell anybody, but it just creates pity. And pity is the last thing I need from anybody. So instead I shed tears onto my pillowcase and hope that the next day is better than today.
Those are my off days. As real and authentic as it gets.
At the end of the day, we’re all human. Each and everyone of us with a secret of our own. It’s learning how to get through these off days where we get stronger. Even if all you do is express your emotions through tears, than its okay. It’s about not keeping those emotions locked up and not pretending that they’re going to go away.
No matter what, don’t forget that it’s just a bad day, not life.
The Rant Girl x